I have always read advice columns and more recently Reddit’s AITAH where people submit their interpersonal conflicts to the judgement of the internet masses. Often selfish or unthoughtful people get chastised, except recently. In this scenario, a man and woman have kids and both have jobs. She was leaving for work when his “on-call” position called him up. He told her since his job pays three-times more she needed to stay home and promptly left her with the children and cleanup of any fallout from her abandoned work obligations. When he returned hours later, the kids had fed themselves a dinner of cereal and were camping in the living room while the wife was hunkered down in her bedroom. The whole internet turned on the wife for being a bad mom and assured him that he had done little wrong.

I am calling foul play. It seems like all of society has teamed up against women. Firstly, it’s statistical observable that women’s jobs pay less, so right away their contributions are literally undervalued. Women who work still aren’t legally required to be compensated equally and society allows for it. So him throwing that in his wife’s face on the way out of the door was a pretty low blow.

Secondly, childcare is also both undervalued and held to a higher standard for women. A man who stays home with his children and lets them feed themselves cereal and make a pillow fort is applauded for “at least keeping them alive,” and being a “fun Dad.” A woman, on the other hand, is expected to feed her children a balanced diet, bathe, dress and care for their emotional needs by putting them to bed every night with stories and songs. Don’t get me wrong, I adore doing this for my kids, but it requires the emotional and physical reserves that this relationship certainly did not invest in. You can not water a garden from a dry well.

Did the man have a babysiter or two on standby for his on-call work, or did he assume that his wife would always be there to take care of their children at the cost of her capacity and career? If the man valued his kids, he would make sure they had all the resources his big, fat paycheck could provide. He only values himself in this scenario, and the rest of the internet was there for it.