Yesterday, was Tim’s and my twelfth anniversary. That added to the three+ years we dated means we have been together more than fifteen years—a third of my lifetime. It’s wild the think about. The first third of my life was growing up at home with parents and siblings. The middle third was my single life.

I spent the years of 18 to 33 mostly working, studying and paying rent on my own. While it was lonely at points, it was also a worthwhile experience. I got to see other places, meet other people and get to know myself.

There’s a lot of focus in the popular media about relationships, dating and marriage, but not too much about the pleasure of finding out who you are on your own. It’s good for young men and women to experience making their own lives by themselves. I learned to budget, cook, and do my own laundry and clean up after myself.

During college, I had different roommates every year. They came from similar and different backgrounds as myself. One was from Japan, and another was a cheerleader. Some partied and some were studious. After college, I got to live in my own space with no one else’s things to contend with.

As a single person, I had opportunities that aren’t as easy to pursue as a married woman with children. I traveled to Asia and the Middle East. I was free to do work and ministry without having to secure childcare or make dinners to others’ tastes.

Last year, we went to Hawaii with the kids, but it took a full two years of planning and saving. As a single person, I could just take off with a backpack and stay in a $15 dollar-a-night hostel with friends and eat at a hole-in-wall diner I heard about from a taxi driver. I read books.

I am happy for my life now, and I love Tim and the girls, but I am also grateful for the time before and my single life.