My dear friend’s husband has spend the last year battling cancer. Off and on. He was diagnosed with the dreaded type four, but a good blast of chemotherapy and some intense surgery knocked it back for six months. Then it popped back up and they’re blasting it again. All the latest in medical technology is being utilized, but it’s rough.
What’s interesting to me is what he does with his good days. He goes about doing his work as a chaplain with his town’s fire department. He spoke at church a few times. His various family members have visited. That’s it. Nothing spectacular. No trips around the world, no working through the top 100 books and movies you “have to see before you die,” He is just living his regular life when he can.
Obviously, he didn’t win the lottery and this isn’t a holiday movie. It’s just real life. He may live less than or longer than a year—-cancer is a tricky thing. Nobody gets a guaranteed number of days. My poor cousin buried her husband this summer after a shorter, more intense bout of cancer. The extended family didn’t know anything until the week he passed. It happened faster than any one predicted, and he had been reticent to share. He left behind two beautiful, well-loved children and a sad wife.
In 2010, I was diagnosed with Vascular Ehlers-Danlos. The same condition that probably led to my father’s death in 2004 and two of his sisters earlier. They were never diagnosed as DNA technology has just recently risen to the level where people can test for such things. The average life expectancy of people with the condition is 48. I was 34 and nearly engaged to my boyfriend of four years. The rest of my life before me was suddenly brought in to sharp focus. If you had fourteen years to live, how would you live them?
In the last thirteen years, we have had two kids, moved four times, bought a minivan and a house. We traveled a bit. Hawaii was our furthest trip. Again, no one won the lottery and this is real life. I probably have read more than hundred books since, or at least listened to them. Not all of them from any particular list though. I know I’ve seen all the episodes of the Great British Baking Show. I stalled out learning Spanish, and I am plunking along in piano. I want to teach my daughters how to sew.
I’ve spent time with people that seem to enjoy my company. I don’t go places where people seem indifferent. Not anymore, I have learned the hard way that it is a waste of my time and theirs. As for great contributions to society, again this is real life and my scope is limited to my skills and abilities. I have taught many classes about writing essays and research papers. Because of me, several people have been more equipped to complete college. I have taught several Bible studies, cultural classes, argument and even a course on black and white photography.
Obviously, I hope that my life will be on the longer side of average. I am counting steps, eating avocados and flossing. I recently learned from YouTube that “self-care is the gift you give to your future self.” I have tentative plans for well beyond June of next year. I hope the rest of us do too and we are all living our best year, every year.
