Netflix has dropped a movie about domestic violence right into the mix of holiday romances.  It Ends with Us has all the trappings of a classic Hallmark story.  It introduces a girl with a floral name opening up a flower shop and choosing between two handsome men, but this story is not all roses. 

Pretty girl Lily meets a dark and handsome stranger and things are going pretty good until an old flame shows up. Unfortunately, she keeps getting hurt, but it’s no one’s fault. Or is it? Later she is forced to face uncomfortable truths not only about her past, but her present as well. She has been lying to herself in real time, and things need to change. 

Critics have complained about the acting, and the actors, but the meat of the story is real. People often have a tendency to stay in abusive relationships because that is what they have grown up knowing. Many have offered the human savior solution, you can fix him! If you have been living in the real world, it is likely you know a person who has returned to their lover/abuser over and over again. The hard truth is love of a good person alone does not cure an abuser. They have to acknowledge their wrong doing and get real help. The abused needs to love and care for themselves first, before gaining their value from another. 

I knew a woman IRL who was a consultant for the state. She would be called in to assess whether someone had in-fact changed. I asked her how she knew. She said when the abusers took responsibility for their actions, expressed compassion for the people they hurt and quit painting themselves as victims. Until then, they were not safe to be around. 

For Lily, she makes the hard, good choice to find her own way without running back into the arms of another man. As for us the viewers, we need to unromanticize jealousy and the temptation to think we can fix the broken people we let into our homes and hearts. We need to look critically at the stories we listen to and the ones we tell ourselves.