These days my young daughters are navigating the turns and twists of friendships and I try to give them good advice and also demonstrate what it is to be a good friend. 

There are pitfalls to finding good friends. My kids know to avoid bullies, but there are subtle indicators of false friends too. The three types to avoid are the Influencer, the Buyer and the Windsock. 

1. The Influencer. Some people reach out for friendship, and others are recruiting to build an audience. We did not have online social media when I was younger, but we did have social climbers. You find out the difference when you show up to the event you were invited to that no one else came. Did they still enjoy your company or were they looking their phone or at the door the whole time? Were you dropped when someone more important arrived? Are you part of a two-way relationship or just liking and subscribing?
2. The Buyer. Some people give gifts to make others whole and some give to make themselves feel important, ingratiate or buy influence. There’s a couple of differences. The first is they over-direct you about how to engage with the so-called gift. If they have lots of rules, then it’s about them. If you are free to spend it or use it any way you see fit, then it was truly a gift from a generous heart. The second, is the gift what you want or need, or what they do feel wanted and need? And finally, if they bring it up later to get something from you, then you were the thing being bought. 
3. The Windsock. Some people seem really enthusiastic about a cause or an issue until the political winds shift. It can be on a large or small scale. They like what you’re doing or saying until someone else disagrees and then they hate it or mock it. It’s pretty disappointing to find out something that is really important to you was just a passing fad for someone else. If you or someone you love is part of the group that they have turned against, then it is a betrayal.

I tell my kids that the friends you should keep are the ones that show up, stick around and help clean up. They are the one that go to bat for you; the ones that “get it” and “get you.”

The perennial good advice that I was given is “To have a friend, you must be a friend.” My addition is “Be the type friend that you want to have.” Enjoy the people who show up and don’t grieve for the ones who didn’t. Give people the gifts they want and not what you want—no take backs. If there is a cause worth supporting, keep supporting it even when it’s not popular or fashionable. Live with integrity and surround yourself with others who live the same way.