I just finished reading Joel Stein’s book Man Made.* Three things lead me to read his book; 1. The cover was fun and colorful and despite a famous saying about not judging books by their cover, I am afraid I do. 2. He is one of my favorite magazine authors, so whenever I am stuck in a waiting room and skim magazines, I read humorous articles he writes. 3. I could relate to his premise which was that upon being faced with the impeding fact that he was going to be a father of a boy, he panicked suddenly with the feeling that he might not be manly enough to raise a young man.

Similarily, I have worried that I might not be girly enough to raise a proper girl. Of course I should probably have read the other book that I checked out A Year of Biblical Womanhood, by Rachel Held Evans. But, like so many things, the male version seems more fun and exciting. Sort of like the difference between boy scouts and girl scouts. I have three brothers and scouts for them involved campouts, pinewood derby, playing with fire and knots and knives. When it was my turn, l eagerly signed up for girl scouts which mostly revolved around selling cookies. The other badges I earned included cooking, sewing and kite flying. I dropped out before getting one in laundry or dishes. Our girl scout campout turned out to be more of sleepover in a building where we sat around talking and eating. I didn’t hate my girl scout experience, but it was kind of a let down. I made up for it by backpacking a lot with college friends.

I did play with other girls. I had the one Barbie doll set aside for the occasion and she came wearing a green swimsuit with pink highheels. Truthfully, the time I spent dressing dolls has been far exceeded by the time l’ve spent dressing my actual, live baby.

Having a baby, has been the girliest thing I have ever done. Even more than shopping, having a boyfriend or getting married. Being a mother is pretty much my pinacle of womanhood. I don’t mind it at all. I get to dress her in cute outfits, show her things and take her on little adventures. Being a woman is not about what you wear, but who you become.

Unfortunately, like the book cover incident, people judge a woman by her looks. I have observed the dramatic difference in the way I am treated by the way I dress. Want a boy to ask you out? Wear a skirt. Want help at the mechanic’s or the bank? Put on a little makeup.

Same goes for job interviews. There is a tricky line you have to walk as a female. Good looking enough to get hired, but serious enough to not get stuck answering the phone and making coffee all the time. Being able to state your opinion clearly, but not being labled a b!tch. Getting equal pay and recognition for our contribution is probably always going to be an uphill struggle.

I am not sure what choices Tim and I will make with Eliana, but I hope that she enjoys being a girl and a woman. We want to give her the tools to take on life as well as she can and hope that the opinions and expectations of other people don’t make her feel bad or limit her experiences and opportunities.

**This was originally posted to Facebook Notes in 2012, so now I am pulling a Taylor Swift reposting them on WordPress when they float up in Memories. I now have two daughters, 6 & 12, and they are similar and different. We do all the things: ballet and sports, and computers and crafts. Since my first essay, Boy Scouts of America has opened up to girls and neither of my daughters are interested. Also Rachel Held Evans has passed since this post, an important voice in Christianity and Feminism.