I didn’t grow up with sisters, but I did have girl cousins. One lived in the same town when we were very young and it bonded us early on. Then our parents fell out with each other and we didn’t see each other much over the time of our middle and teen years. 

We sort of reconnected over seeing each other at various family weddings and graduations. At some point, we started sending each other postcards and letters. She got married first and I drove out for her child’s first birthday. When social media arrived, we used that to keep up-to-date. We liked all each other’s posts. Every couple of years, we made the effort to travel to the other’s homes. 

Then, we both lost a parent within a couple months of each other. Later, when I was having a hard time being stuck at home with a toddler, she invited me out. Getting through those tough times together, further solidified our connection. 

For a while, we even worked for the same work-from-home company halfway across the country, checking in weekly over Zoom. She is struggling with her health and it breaks my heart. I am realizing how much has become a sister to me and an aunt to my kids. 

The closeness of family is by no means automatic. Being born into a family is an opportunity, but no guarantee of quality relationships. Shared experiences establish a baseline of shared history, but everything beyond that is a result of choices. We can choose to invest in the relationship, or let it dry out like a neglected house plant. Or worse, jealousy, blame or competition can sever the connection entirely. If the roots are deep, sometimes little water and removal of dead leaves can breathe life into them again.

Time and different life choices create a natural gap between relationships. Spouses, moves, careers, education and kids can further push things apart. We’ve all run aground on the rocks of political, religious and ideological differences. It can be possible to still care beyond the breach, if we build bridges. If we keep open windows, to let in air and light, we can rebuild connections. Love is too precious a resource to lose.