In life, we often expect bad things to come from bad people, but we never expect bad things to come from good people, our people. We are vigilant to lock the doors and build strong walls to keep out the bad guys, but sometimes the bad guys are already inside the house with us. 

Most corporate loss does not come from strangers shoplifting, but employees embezzling. You only have to watch about ten minutes of true crime to realize that 90% of the time it’s the spouses offing the person they once swore to love and cherish. 

Betrayal is one of the themes that I have discovered in my deep-dive Bible reading. Every other chapter features someone betraying a friend or family member. 

Cain kills his brother Abel. Joseph gets sold into slavery by his brothers. The reason he had so many brothers is because his grandfather Laban tricked Jacob into marrying his two daughters. Also, Jacob tricked Uncle Esau into giving him his inheritance. And on, and on. 

In the New Testament, Jesus gets betrayed by Judas. When things are going south with the authorities, Peter denies him and the rest of the disciples melt into the shadows. Nobody speaks up to defend Jesus during his multiple trials. Where was his posse when he needed them most?

Let’s look at what causes betrayal and see if we can avoid it. Motives are plentiful. Cain killed Abel out of jealousy that came from his own disappointment and rejection compared to his brother’s acceptance. Joseph’s brothers were also jealous and that turned into animosity towards him. (Joseph also wore a fancy jacket and told a story about a dream where everyone bowed down to him, so he didn’t help his own cause.) 

In Jesus’s case, Judas was motivated by money and people have speculated about his dissatisfaction at how things were going socially and politically. Perhaps Judas was jealous of John or Peter. Maybe he was jealous of Jesus himself. The rest of the disciples were simply scared, despite brave words, they wanted to protect their own skins. 

People are motivated by greed, jealousy, pride and self-preservation. They can be afraid that there’s only enough for one. They see their sibling, coworker or best friend getting what they wanted, and are motivated to betray the relationship for personal gain. 

Emotions play a big part of motivation. At any given time, most people aren’t aware of their own feelings let alone the feelings of others. We want to be acknowledged and respected, maybe even admired and desired. Competition can drive some people to do better and try harder, but it drives others cheat, game the system, lie, steal and manipulate. People can only feel their own pain, the pain of others is observed but not directly experienced.

Betrayal cannot be avoided in life. Unless you hide under a rock; even then, you would be betraying yourself. 

I have done both things. I’ve tried to do something and got my legs cut out from under me by a person I admired and trusted. I have also spent years hiding and down-playing my goals and achievements to avoid people hurting me. It doesn’t work. If you build yourself up, people will try to knock you down. If you lay on the floor, people will walk all over you. Or worse, they’ll reward you and you’ll never try to do anything again. 

You will be betrayed. The only way to get past it, is to go through it. Jesus forgave everybody on the cross. Joseph had some time in jail to work through his feelings about his brothers. By the time they were reunited 20 years later, he had forgiven them because God provided him what he needed. 

Similarly, by the time Jacob and Esau met up decades after their estrangement, they had both decided to let bygones be bygones. God had provided for each of them, and they had time to mature. After Peter denied Christ three times, and Christ gave him three more chances to make it up.

All the shortcomings that I found in the Bible were fulfilled through people seeking God during their tough times. Our shortcomings are not going to be satisfied through stealing from our friends and family. We need to protect one another and support each other and if we need something more, we need to go to God.